Weltschmerz

Weltschmerz:What I had to say earlier.

At this present time, my brain is marinating in languor and abjectness.
The degree of my lugubriosity intensified last night.
I find myself drinking alone and listening to Grizzly Bear and thrifted Puccini records much more than usual. But though this feels like it was pretty sudden, and it does indeed wax and wane. I blame it in part on my home life. Bloated swine. I can only get out when I lie, and even then it's not as often as I'd like. Yesterday, I spent a massive amount of time in bed. Trying to read Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank, failing because the ceiling kept demanding my attentions. So I stared at it. Also, attended to frequent text messages from Lupita and Ryan. Ryan, the lucky bastard, had his mind expanded earlier. Salvia divinorum. Said he's changed forever. Lupita and I had concerns not so cosmic. Our homes, our birthplaces, Mexico and Texas, hold separate lives for us. And while she's just afflicted with heartbreaking nostalgia, I'm suffering from an uncomfortable displacement. I've always had parts of me that I could never reveal to my loved ones in Seguin, but the things I've done since my last visit.. they've severed my connection. I'm no longer a part of it. I'm a free floating form, bonded to nothing. As ridiculous as that sounds, it's accurate. And instead of being liberating, it's depressing, and therefore all the more maddening.


Anyways, change of direction.Since the last time I've posted, my junior year has ended. (Admittedly, May 2009 has probably been the most eventful month of the entire year.)
The day before the last day of school, Lupita and I ran off to smoke some hash out of a delicious green apple. Ate our own weight in food, blasting my Night at The Opera cassette by Queen. She has a battle scar on her left hand, a pretty impressive one earned by being "fucking high and fucking hungry" and trying to claim an oven pizza.

Well, I find myself short of anything too great to say. Always seems as if my meager blog postings are a shadow of a shadow of what I'd like to convey. But no matter. There are more important things in the world. At least, that's what I like to believe.